Ten Fingers, Ten Toes
by discoveringgrace
Summary: One shot for the essence of Charlie Gazebo competition. The man behind the silence. "Still waters run deep."


**This fic was written for THE GAZEBO FIC CHALLENGE: The Essence of Charlie Swan  
**

**Prompt used: Charlie/Renee: focusing either on their romance, their wedding, the birth of Bella or Renee's leaving (or a combo of all four – js.)**

**Please see the C2 - THE GAZEBO FIC CHALLENGE: The Essence of Charlie Swan for more fics in this competition.**

**Thank you to my favorite, istandcorrected, for helping me to be brave and put something out there, and for betaing in the middle of the night! :)**

* * *

Tears, unbidden, sprang to my eyes.

* * *

_She was beautiful, perfect, ten fingers, and ten toes. Her hands waved in the air and then her fingers curled around my pinky, fresh into this World and already taking a hold of it. Beautiful. Strong. Ours. Renee sat in the bed, sweat glistening on her forehead as she let her head fall back against the pillow, averting her eyes from the baby I held in my arms. _

_Whispers of Renee's dreams played in my ears as I looked at Bella's face- she changed her goals every fifteen minutes from National Geographic photographer to scuba instructor to history professor and back again. _Mother_ had only made the list in the last few weeks, occasionally, accompanied by questions of her abilities or capacity to put aside selfishness. _

_Such musings were almost immediately followed by a Renee type joke stemming from frustration instead of humor, as her eyes followed my somewhat distracted gaze down to her swollen abdomen. The ghost of her voice cut through my focus on this beautiful addition to our life together: "Or maybe I'll just leave her here Charlie Swan, and I'll go travel the World and you can have just what you've always wanted."_

_I could never fault Renee for her passion, that was why I fell in love with her after all. In this case, she was almost painfully right. This was it, just what I'd always wanted. To be a father, but more specifically to be HER father, Bella. _

_She looked back up at me with my brown eyes and I watched them flutter, struggling to stay open. She would be a fighter, stubborn, just like me, strong- maybe with Renee's fire behind it her strength could be one that would help her bring people closer to her rather than pushing them away. I couldn't say a word to Renee besides a rough "Good job, Honey" same words I used when she solved the Sunday crosswords but I knew that this moment was a reverent silence, not an awkward one (like most of mine were.)_

* * *

I wiped my hand across my cheek and fixed my posture for the thirtieth time that day, adjusting the sleeve of the grey tuxedo that Alice claimed was "so me." Bella was beautiful, breathtaking really, something ethereal in the otherwise comfortable mediocrity that made Forks the home that it was.

She was always beautiful, but this beauty was something new, something heart wrenching. Filled with hope and commitment that cleared any thoughts of Renee's face on our wedding day away- contrast to the passion and impulsiveness that I mistook as undying affection. She looked at me, took one step forward and stumbled. Still Bella, I thought, smiling none too subtly as I opened my arms to her. Alice made a clucking noise to which Bella made a rude gesture and crushed herself against me.

She murmured into my collar, "You're so handsome, Charlie." And I saw one or two tears at the corner of her eye. For the last three weeks whenever Bella spoke to me it had been with reservation, reminding me of where things were and how things ran as though I had not done it on my own for the sixteen lonely years before she reentered my world. Everything was a goodbye this time. My own well wishes and declarations of adoration and worship stuck in my throat, as they did at most times I had something important to say. _You are everything I ever wanted Bella. _

Alice barked orders in her honey sweet voice, promising a calculated perfection. _How could I give her away when I just got her back?_ Bella clung to my arm and whispered, "Help me, Charlie." The tears were uncontrollable now, as the thought of giving away the most precious gift I had ever been given broke through any remnants of stoicism I claimed to hold onto.

I wanted to tell her how proud I was of her. How sorry I was that I didn't leave everything I ever knew to spend every waking moment learning who she was, even if it meant Phoenix instead of Forks. I wanted to tell her that I had seen things in her that scared the life out of me, the unyielding yearning for the path that she had undeniably chosen regardless of the other options presented, to tell her that no matter how much that scared me, it also made me proud.

What I said was: "There's still time to turn back."

She chuckled, her eyes wide with what many would have mistaken as fear, but that I knew was only nervous expectation- that no fear could dwell with that much love. I wanted to whisper reassurances to her that she would be fine, to tell her that I would steady her if she stumbled, to tell her I would make them wait if she wasn't ready. The realization struck my heart harder than any arrow would have been able to- it was not my job any longer.

Even if it would have taken every level of comfort I had ever obtained away from me I wish that just once I had been able to reach out to her with something like emotion- but I had been her rock instead of her wind, her stability, the dark night to the fire works Renee provided, that would be there, unfailing, rather than making a lot of noise and fading out. My throat constricted as the scent of the floral nonsense Alice had concocted reached my nose at the end of the hallway.

"Well, Bells, we're up to bat." _Ten perfect fingers clung to my arm, shaking. Ten perfect toes prepared to make their first step to forever._

"Don't let me fall Dad." _Of course, I never have. I never would._

As I guided her down the stairs I could feel her trembling slow and her breathing hitch as she looked to the altar that she would promise her life at. A life I cherished beyond all things, a life that would now be his. He looked at her with such glorious admiration that I could barely stop myself from running and dragging my baby in the other direction because a man that offered so much hope could also destroy it. We continued on, steady, and as I reached the end of the aisle, pulled back her veil and kissed her cheek. She whispered. "Thanks, Daddy," so low that it could not have been audible to any human ear but mine. And I let her go; I put her clammy hand on his surprisingly cool arm. Beautiful. Strong. Now his.

_I would never let you fall Bells. Never._


End file.
